I recently noticed that I was following a car that looked just like mine. Then I realized my look-alike car was going where I was going…back to Ashland where I live. Then I began to wonder who I was following and who I want to follow. It didn’t take me long to answer the question. I want to follow Jesus not people.
As Jesus captured my attention that morning, I began to reflect on the kind of person I’m becoming. Then I began to realize that the people who follow me over time become like me. Jesus taught us that the full-grown student will become like their teacher. If you wonder who you are, what you’re teaching, and where you’re going with your life, all you have to do is look at your kids.
As I work closely with parents, I frequently tell them that my kids get the best and worst of me—whether I like it or not. We teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are. If I don’t pursue health, then I’m going to infect people with what’s wrong with me. We are continuously being shaped by those we follow. What we feed grows, and what we starve dies. We are also continuously influencing and shaping the lives of those around us.
Over the past 29 years, my wife and I did our best to intentionally invest in our four sons. They are all following Jesus, following their hearts, valuing people, and discovering their unique path in life. They care more about relationships and helping people than they care about making money. They’re engaging their hearts, talents, and energy helping people who need noticed and helped. They left home, but they stay connected. They ask good questions, and they lean into challenges. They create what’s needed. They’re athletic, but not sports-driven. They’re incredible cooks—thanks to their mom. They don’t really fit in because they’re so unique and different. But that’s what makes them special.
We make lots of mistakes along the way. We have our quirks and preoccupations and passions. We have seasons of being so absorbed in something while neglecting something of equal value. God never calls us to be perfect parents. He wants us to teach our children to trust and rely on Him. The Lord calls us to train up our children in the way He’s designed them to live. If they’re going to live faith-based, grace-based lives, then they must see us living that way.
Our children are like the furniture and tools that I’ve built over time. Each one is very different. Each one has a different purpose. When I see their strengths and imperfections, they reflect mine. But I celebrate how God uses imperfect people to pass on His life and love and truth and grace to the next generations. My sons are better at doing everything I’ve taught them to do. They’ve outgrown me in so many ways. I’m so proud of them.
I’m thankful God blessed me with godly parents, a devoted wife, spirited sons, and caring friends. I’m thankful for all the people and experiences God uses over time to shape me. I’m thankful for God’s love and grace and truth that sustains me. I’m thankful for all the books, tools, and props God has given me to pass on His life-giving ways to people. I’m thankful that God isn’t done with me.
Look for the good in your family members each day. When you see the good and say the good, your loved ones will feel loved and valued for who they are. Listen beyond their words and behavior to discover and respond to their needs. Turn off the distractions and enjoy your family members. You’re going to blink, and they’ll be gone, and so will you. Invest deeply and wisely.