After a long year of training, Camper is “settling” into his role as my personal therapy dog. If you know us well, you’d be laughing and shaking your head. Camper is so “in love” with everyone that his greetings are over-the-top. With dogs, he’s literally over the top and uncontrollable. Sniffing, licking, humping…seriously. How embarrassing! Like many of the men who are referred to me by their wives or by their pastors, they need “fixed” of their pornography sexual addictions. Their wives and homes have been devastated because of their pride and their lack of sexual boundaries. They “get it” wherever they want whenever they want it.
You might be appalled that I’m comparing men to Camper, but if your tail starts wagging after other women, or any pleasure that makes you feel good, you need a lot more than a laser surgery at the vet.
You need daily close encounters with Jesus and a wholehearted transformation. Christ-centered therapy that leads to deep heart change involves radical amputation of the parts we hide that eventually get exposed to everyone.
My dear friend, Dr. Marianne Bowden, told me twenty-five years ago, “Glenn, someday you’re going to have quite a ministry to narcissists.” I thought she was crazy, and I had no clue what she meant. When narcissists end up unemployed, divorced, in prison, or classified as “tiered offenders”, my ministry to narcissists frequently begins by coming alongside those who have been hurt by their pride and entitlement issues. Most narcissists have no empathy or felt need for therapy or for change. They just try to manipulate people to get their own way and to feel good in the moment. They actually have very little tolerance for discomfort, especially the discomfort they’ve caused to those nearby.
If you’ve found your camper sniffing or sleeping in someone else’s tent or sniffing their phone for a “quick fix”, you’ve not alone. I won’t give you the statistics or normalize or rationalize sin. In fact, I didn’t even want to come out of retirement 13 years ago, or get back into the trenches to save broken lives and marriages and families from devastation and destruction. Life and ministry are messy-join the mess. If you think that going to church, reading your Bible, praying, and getting therapy will “fix everything”, then you’re probably feeling incredibly disappointed with God, yourself, or others.
I’m getting Camper fixed during my Christmas break. My vet said that it won’t likely cure Camper of his urges, but it may “take the edge off.” What I’ve discovered through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit over time is that when you daily position yourself at the cross of Jesus Christ, surrendering your bodies and addictions will eventually lead to God’s healing and transformation. God will change your urges and your desires. Instead of turning away from your God and your loved ones seeking immediate gratification and comfort, God will turn your heart to Him and turn your heart towards home.
You can’t do it on your own. Secrecy, isolation, and deception are the devil’s workshop. Jesus will daily unfold His Word, His will, and His ways to you as you seek Him, deny self, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. The Holy Spirit will also engineer the process of you finding people and places He uses to help you to heal and to grow in Christ-likeness.
Thinking that things will eventually change and get better is just a joke if you are still entertaining lies and magical thinking. Denial is a wide river that still runs deep in the lives of broken and hurting people. People who seem to be charismatic may just be covering up deep personal and family wounds. People who seem to be caring may be deeply wounded people who enable dysfunction and chaos to continue.
You don’t need “fixed”, and no one wants to be “fixed”. What you need is to experience being fully known and fully loved by God and by people who genuinely care. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. (John 14:6) Your wounds can and will be healed by the Healer. Your narratives can and will be changed if you allow Jesus to transform you and to renew your mind. It won’t be easy, and it may take a lot longer than you’d like for deep heart and life change to occur.
Yet I still believe that the best is yet to come. Jesus is relentless in His pursuit of His lost and rebellious sheep. Let Jesus pick you up, carry you, love you, and give you what’s most needed. No other person can meet your deepest need for love, intimacy, security, and satisfaction. Developing your own personal relationship with Jesus Christ will put you on a path for healing and restoration.
