As I’m counseling people, I tell them that our character is forged and formed through the toughest times in our lives. Our true character rises to the surface when we’re faced with the greatest hardships. When our pain and problems and feelings are beyond words, our character speaks. Sometimes our character shines brightly, reflecting the love, truth, and grace of Jesus. At other times, our character seems to betray what we think and say that we believe when we’re faced with pain and problems that won’t go away.
Losses and grief test our character. We never celebrate the bad things that happen, nor should we go around quoting Bible verses for people who are devastated by losses or trauma. We can know that God is present to comfort, to heal, and to strengthen us, but sometimes we question God, ourselves, and the people around us when our pain and prayers seem to bounce off of the ceiling.
If you’ve gone through or you’re going through a season of anguish because you’ve lost your loved one, your job, your mobility, your memory, your grounding, or your mental health, you may wonder, “Is it ever going to get better?” Amidst the questioning and wondering, God is still present and unchanging. We just want the pain and problems to go away now. Yet it’s in the waiting and doubting that God is sustaining us. Our faith may seem fickle, like a candle that is no longer lighting up the room. But when no one else is looking and when we’re too exhausted to even go to sleep, God is upholding and strengthening us with His mighty power.
You don’t have to feel God’s love to know His love. You don’t have to feel peace to know God’s peaceful presence. When you can’t seem to get back all that you want to be, to have, or to do, God says, “I’m here, and I’m enough.” God’s power is made perfect, and our character is being forged and formed through that which we suffer.
Doing what I need to do when I don’t feel like doing it is the process of character formation. Telling myself what I need to think, say, and do and then doing it grows my character instead of complaining or feeling sorry for myself. When my comfort zone is gone and when what I relied upon to feel good has disappeared, I long for Jesus’ imminent return.
Instead of turning away from God and from the people who know and love me, I must let myself turn towards my Lord and my loved ones.
I must ask for help instead of digging in my heels and refusing to ask for help. I must also help myself by doing what I don’t want to do anymore.
I must return to thinking, saying, and doing what I know to be true and right.
What God says about me and my life is always true. I don’t have to clean up my thought life or my emotional turmoil to have honest conversations with God. God is always listening. He always loves me, even when I’m seemingly at odds with everyone and everything. God’s Word and truth are anchors for my soul and my existence because God and His Word are unchanging.
I’ve also learned over time that I need breaks. Power naps make my world seem like a better place after I wake up. Allowing caring and genuine people to get close and to speak into my life, to give me a hug, or to rub my back helps me to feel better in the moment. Finding my “go-2’s” like my prayer altar, pretzels, dark chocolate, coffee, or just acting crazy can lighten the tension that I’m feeling. Laughter is good for my soul, even when my circumstances are beyond my control. Even distractions can be a good thing for awhile since my ADHD never really goes away.
Why not make the most of it—God forging His character into mine until I allow Him to use this mess to make me more like Jesus? I can surrender to the Holy Spirit doing the most important work: changing my character through hardship, or I can fight it and go solo. The people whom I’ve respected the most have become better by going through the awful experiences of life. Their faith and character were refined through the fires until all that I could see was Jesus shining through them. That’s my hope and prayer for my life and for your life.
How would you describe your true character?
How would your family describe you?
