When God creates kids, He makes them in all shapes, sizes, n’ colors. God’s kids range in age and are all over the world. Once we realize that each person is uniquely made in the likeness of God to reflect His image to the world, we can approach each prize possession that God creates with respect, curiosity, love, grace, and dignity. If we’re looking to discover and affirm something about God residing and reflecting through each person, then by getting to know each one of God’s children, we can learn something new about God.
As we read the Gospels, it seemed like people tried to push kids away from Jesus. It didn’t work though because God’s children of all ages aren’t bothers. Jesus took His kids onto His lap, and before long He was using kids to teach people about the Kingdom of God. We must actually become more like kids in order to enter into the Kingdom of God. Since that’s true, we should spend more time getting to know kids if we’re to become more like kids to experience the Kingdom of God.
Like playful dogs, kids live to play. They connect with God and people and animals through their play. Kids never get tired of playing, and they express themselves through their play. Most of the kid trauma survivors that I work with share their trauma narrative through their play. By the time they’ve finished playing out their stories, I don’t have to wonder what has happened to them and how it has impacted them. Play is actually a wonderful way to connect with and to communicate with kids. Kids know that you care about them if you make time to get down on their level and play with them.
When it comes to connecting with kids, I usually let kids decide what we’re going to do while we talk together. When you get to know and love kids and live their preferences, it doesn’t take too long to win their hearts.
With kids who have been through horrific trauma, it may take a long time to build trust with them. Take all of the time that you need to build a trust-based relationship. Also be careful because you can spend a long time building kid’s trust and lose it in a moment. In other words, just because you’re older doesn’t give you permission to ignore, put down, judge, disrespect, name-call, or yell at children. Kids have a wonderful sense of curiosity and creativity if you don’t squelch it. Kids will be transparent and ask incredible questions if you don’t shut them down. If you’re too busy for kids, then you’re too busy.
Kids are the most open to trust-based and faith-based relationships when they’re young. Kids are like sponges, so be careful what you say, do, teach, watch, and model. Words can build kids up or they can tear kids down. It’s not hard to tell when kids have been well-loved, neglected, or mistreated. If you want to see the kids around you grow, build them up and encourage them. When you see their undiscovered strengths and unique qualities, call them out and affirm them. Tell others the good that you see in the kids while they’re with their family or peers. If you’re stressed out, anxious, or angry, be careful to set good boundaries so that you don’t blame your kids for your feelings and that you don’t take out your negative feelings onto your children. Kids thrive when structure and boundaries and parents and teachers are consistent. Kids always know when you mess up. They’re watching you to see how you handle it. Teach them through your example how to gracefully deal with your own mistakes and theirs. I tell kids that I’m quite skilled at messing up. I do it every day. My dad always says, “You should treat people the way you want to be treated when you mess up.”
After teaching kids in school, college, and seminary, my dad finally graduated to teaching preschoolers at the Montessori school. Now he’s composing music and creatively teaching young kids how to sing, play, and pray unto the Lord. He had one ornery student who told him, “Dr. Sprunger, I finally figured out what’s wrong with you. You never grew up!” What a high compliment from such a young little student.
I had the same problem. I never grew up. I use a lot of playful and crazy humor to engage with kids. I tell people that work and hair and growing up are all over-rated. I ask kids who has the coolest hair. They love to tell me that I don’t have any hair.
I’ll take the very things that I get picked on for and turn them into ways to connect with kids. I tell kids that people with ADHD have more fun than the rest of the world. I let kids help me make up fun and creative and competitive games to help us connect and to talk about the most painful experiences in their lives. Kids and families have helped me to discover so many different ways to play the Talking Matters game with them, and it’s almost always outside-the-box crazy creative.
Most people hate to go to counseling. I have bigger problem: kids don’t want to leave when their having sessions with me. Once kids are convinced that you’re safe, you’re fun, you listen, you value their thoughts, feelings, and ideas, you teach them about God and life, and you allow them to create what’s needed to get better, they won’t want to leave. If you take kids seriously, then they’ll take you seriously. But if you don’t listen carefully to kids, it’s unfair to expect them to listen carefully to you. If you only care about what you want to get done, why would they care about it? Kids don’t exist to help us fulfill our goals and dreams. Kids exist for us to help them discover and to fulfill their God-given dreams.
I could write forever about connecting with kids, but I’ll close today’s blog with a prayer. “Lord, help us to rediscover what it’s like to be a kid. Help us to learn to be childlike in our faith. Fill us with a sense of wonder and curiosity. Teach us through kids what Your Kingdom is all about. Jesus, help us to see You in their eyes and in their smiles. Grace us and equip us to creatively and relationally invest in discipling the next generations. Apart from being deeply-rooted and anchored by your love, grace, and truth, we can’t do it. Please take us deeper into Your Word until Your Words and Your Ways become our ways of relating with kids of all ages. Help us to give thanks and to enjoy even the rowdiest kids who test and challenge us. They’re the ones who help us to get better and to become wiser. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”