Many of you will be thrilled or disappointed to discover that today’s blog is not about Elsa, Anna, and Olaf. We are going into the frozen and into the unknown of the inner world. My purpose is not to be intrusive or to dismantle your defense system or your boundaries. Instead, my goal is to help you to connect more deeply with God, with yourself, and with caring people around you.
Since God made us in His relational image to be deeply connected, why is it so difficult to connect on a deeper level? Once our image of God, self, or others becomes distorted, it’s very hard to get close. We tend to filter everything through our controlling images. You can blame it on our entertainment industry. You can blame it on technology. You can blame it on your work or your busy schedule. You can blame it on moms or dads or kids. You can even blame it on your personality type. You can blame disconnection and detachment on all of the trauma that you survived. But no one gets better when you blame yourself, others, or something else.
If you become uncomfortable or annoyed or anxious or angry and dismissive when people around you are trying to talk with you and get to know you, it’s probably a sign that you have an insecure attachment style. This might not feel like it’s a problem to you, but it might make it very difficult for people to develop a deeply-connected relationship with you. If you’re exerting all of the energy trying to connect with someone or if you’re trying to get people to just leave you alone, you may not be ready yet to form a deeper relationship bond.
When people from hard places are invited to share their stories, their feelings, or their experiences, they may not feel safe or know how. Oftentimes, feelings or losses or trauma are stored in the body with no words or access points. It may seem like they’re all frozen, and we would rather not go there. We can have arrested development in multiple areas of our lives if we do not grieve our losses or deal with and heal from the hurts and hang-ups from our lives.
We actually have to get to the point where we’re tired of the way that we are and where the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain that we associate with risking change and becoming open and vulnerable. We have to really value our emotions and believe that each feeling is a gift from God waiting to come out and breathe and be expressed with safe people in safe places. You don’t have to see a therapist to engage in the process of unthawing your emotional world. You just have to be ready and willing to engage in a process with trustworthy people where you learn to trust and identify and express your feelings instead of shutting down or turning away or blowing up. Many people who have become shut down are much more comfortable turning to things, tasks, work, or pets than they are turning to their loved ones around them. Many people have become afraid of their own feelings or the feelings and responses of others, and they prefer to dissociate and cut themselves off from caring people and live in their own worlds. Sometimes the real world has been very painful, and it feels easier to just disconnect.
If you’re tired of feeling disconnected from God, yourself, and your loved ones, I want to invite you to join me in engaging in a process of unthawing and finding your heart. You can become a safe person and develop safe places where you invite your feelings and your stories and your friends to come out and share more. You can engage in a process of being known and loved. Over the past several years, we’ve been developing tools and groups to engage people in a process of connecting, healing, and growing together. Maybe you’re ready to engage in a transformation process where you become warmed and thawed by the love of Jesus and actually experience healing so that you can engage and connect more deeply with God, with yourself, and with some people around you whom you care about.
For the ready ones who are tired of feeling lonely, anxious, and disconnected, I’m going to ask you to respond through email ([email protected]), and I will be glad to start our next Spirit-Driven group with you being a charter member. God has been placing on my heart to start groups for people who are in caregiving roles to others. Once you become engaged in a process of connecting, healing, and growing together, you’ll soon find people around you who also need help connecting, and you can start your own group. If you’re like me, you’re surrounded by hurting, anxious, and disconnected people, and you’re looking for ways to help and to do something to make a difference.
I’m praying that today’s blog will spark a fire and a revolution of your inner world. Why? Because the Holy Spirit is writing through me, and the glory of the Lord is a heart that’s fully alive (Irenaeus). Your emotions and stories don’t have to stay frozen deep within. Your relationships don’t have to stay disconnected. The peace and rest that you desire won’t come from isolation, stuff, keeping busy, or screens. Jesus’ arms are wide open waiting to provide for your every need. Jesus is the Helper and the Healer. It’s worth the risk of change if you’re ready for more. If you’re not ready to slow down and do less in order to connect more deeply, then you’re not ready yet.