As you begin to read this blog, I want to encourage you to consider pursuing some of these processes, practices, and perspectives as you daily work on your marriage. I tell people that I can’t ever take a day off my marriage and expect it to work. But a good marriage isn’t just working together and having a functional marriage. Marriage should also be fun. You get to enjoy each other and find creative and spontaneous ways to love to each other.
Marriages work when both the husband and the wife are pursuing God, daily growing closer to God, and allowing God to determine what is said and done.
Marriage works when you make daily time to connect and to enjoy each other. Marriage works when both spouses set boundaries with self, others, kids, and jobs so that your spouse gets your good energy and not just your leftovers. Marriage works when you make time to talk and to listen to one another with the goal of knowing and loving each other. Marriage works when you look at your spouse with loving eyes, tuned-in ears, and an open heart.
Marriage works when you love your spouse more than you love yourself, your hobbies, and your kids. Marriage works when you save your “yeses” for God and for your spouse. Marriage works when your boundaries are intact to ensure that you are taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, and problems. Marriage works when you have integrity—when your words and your actions match.
Marriage works when you’re home together and you’re not in a hurry. Marriage works when you don’t cram your schedule full of activities that distract you and steal your time, energy, and joy. Marriage works when you help your spouse and do what your spouse likes to do. Marriage works when you set clear and healthy boundaries so that technology doesn’t distract you, lure you, hook you, pervert you, or own you. Marriage works when you love each other in ways that fit with the love language of your spouse.
Marriage works when you allow God to work in all things for you to become more like Jesus. In the process, you allow God to change you and the way you think and respond. Instead of becoming angry, hurtful, fearful, avoidant, blaming, shut down, or exasperated, you invite Jesus to help and heal you and your marriage. You become more patient and kindhearted. You forget about yourself and put your spouse first. You don’t demand your own way. You forgive and don’t keep track of faults or sins. You trust. You hope. You celebrate your spouse. You endure through everything.
You delight in your spouse, and you never become the enemy or treat your spouse like the enemy. You love deeply from your heart.
Marriage works when you pray together. Marriage works when you give to others. Marriage works when you welcome people into your lives and into your home. Marriage works when you ask God each day to help you to find people who need Jesus and to welcome them into your lives. Marriage works when you give your marriage, your money, and your passions for God to use for His glory. Marriage works when God’s Word becomes your standard for living and the words you use to pray and to speak over one another.
Marriage works when you never quit, shut down, or turn to someone else to fill up your love tank. Instead, you allow God to fill up your love tank and you allow God’s love to overflow into the life of your spouse, into your kids, and to those around you.
If you think you can have a working marriage by just trying harder, you’re only kidding yourself. If you are praying and striving to have a godly marriage, all of Satan’s arrows will be pointing at you trying to lie, cheat, steal, and destroy you, your spouse, your marriage, and your family. You need Jesus around every corner. You need boundaries to protect what’s sacred. You need the daily help, support, affirmation, and accountability of your spouse and godly friends who are for you and not against you.
Now go home and commit yourself to loving and serving your spouse like Jesus does. Ask God to give you eyes that see you and your spouse as He does. Ask God to give you ears that listen as He does. Ask God to give you a willing and yielded heart. Enjoy your God-given moments together during the good and bad times together. As you do, may the good Lord pour out His blessings and make your marriage work according to His design.
What’s one thing that caught your attention while you were reading today?
What’s one thing you would like to implement from your reading to improve your marriage?
What’s one thing you must give up doing to make your marriage work better?